Elizabeth May Holman | 06.10.17

I have really been wanting to write down Ellie's birth story. I already feel like some of the sweet details are fading from my memory. It was such an incredible experience and I want to be able to remember, compare, and share this experience. So here it goes-

Friday, June 9 (6 days after due date)

In the morning I went in to get my membranes stripped, for like the 5th time, obviously without success each time, so I was feeling pretty skeptical of it working. I also scheduled an induction that was going to take place on Sunday night. The hospital said that they would call me sometime on Sunday to let me know when to come in. After leaving the hospital, Mike and I went to Scheels to walk around and hopefully put me into labor. Although, that hadn't really been working either- we had been walking two miles every night for the past two weeks. While we were there I felt like I was leaking, so we headed home. It was around maybe 3 when we got home. I figured that I would monitor it to see if something was really happening or not. We really did not want go to labor and delivery, just to be sent home. I worked from home for a while and started getting some light, irregular contractions in my back. I still felt like my water was leaking, but had not broken. After a few hours, we decided that we would eat dinner, I would shower, and then we would go to L&D, just to check. But we honestly were thinking we would probably get monitored and then sent home. While I showered, Mike went and picked up Village Baker. We ate, then I got ready and we packed the remaining items in our hospital bag. During this time, I was still having some contractions. Still irregular and still very mild. 

We got to the hospital around 9, checked in, and they took us back to a delivery room. We were a little bit shocked because we thought that I would have to go to triage. We looked at the little delivery bassinet and got a little bit nervous- like this could actually be happening today! We still were a little bit skeptical that they would actually admit us. They checked my progress and I wad dilated to a 3 and almost 100% effaced- which was not new news. I had been dilated to a 3 for about a week. They checked the fluid to see if it was amniotic fluid that I thought I was leaking and the results came back negative. The contractions that I was having picked up a bit, but still were fairly mild. The nurse said that she was going to call my doctor to see if she wanted to send me home. We were completely expecting to pack up and head home for the night. The nurse came back and said my doctor wanted me to walk around for an hour to see if the contractions would pick up and my body would start dilating more. We didn't have anything to lose. So around 10, we started walking laps around the dark, empty hospital halls. My contractions started picking up and were getting pretty painful. (All still in my lower back.) Towards the end of the hour, I was having to stop walking during the contraction. We were excited and very optimistic that I was dilating more so we could get admitted. We went back to L&D and the nurse checked me for dilation- nothing. I was still a 3. I was super bummed, thinking they were going to send me home after all this. She said that she was going to call my doctor, who fortunately was the doctor on call that night. She came back and said that my doctor said that it was up to me- I could choose to stay and they would put me on pitocin or I could go home. Mike and I talked about it, and decided to stay. I would be back in a couple days anyway to be induced, so why not get it started a little bit early. 

Around 11pm, I officially got admitted into labor and delivery. I called my mom to let her know that she needed to head home from St. George. Her and Allan had just driven down that afternoon, so it was a very quick trip for them. The nurse started me on IV fluids after FOUR failed attempts at getting the IV in- honestly that was probably the worst part. My contractions started picking up and were getting very painful- still all in my lower back. 

Saturday, June 10 

The nurse kept checking me for progress and I was progressing soooo slow. I couldn't believe it because the contractions were very painful. The nurse kept telling me that I could get the epidural whenever I wanted too, but I heard that getting the epidural can cause you to progress even slower, so I was hesitant to get it. Around 2-3am, I asked for the epidural, I was dilated to a 4. The anesthesiologist came in about 15 minutes after I requested the epidural. I was extremely nervous because I am terrified of needles, but everything went very smoothly. I never even saw a needle and honestly, I could hardly feel anything. Almost immediately I felt relief! It was incredible. 

The nurse said she was going to call my doctor and let her know that I had received the epidural and she would probably come in and break my water. I called my mom, who had thankfully made it back from St. George about an hour ago and told her to head over to the hospital. Around 5am my doctor showed up and broke my water. There was meconium in the fluid so the doctor requested that the NICU be notified to come in for my delivery as a precaution. Apparently it is common for meconium to be present when a baby is this far over due. After my water was broken, I went from a 4-8 in dialation even before the doctor left the room. The doctor and nurse said that they would be back to check on me in one hour, but if I felt like I needed to push, call them immediately. About 20 minutes later I was feeling pressure in my pelis and called the nurse. I was dilated to a 9. Again she said they they were going to leave, but to call them again if I was feeling pressure like I needed to push. About 10 minutes later I gave them a call. She checked for progress and I was dilated to a 10! She said that she was going to call the doctor to come in. 

I started pushing at 6:00am. At 6:24am, our baby girl made her debut! Mike cut the [very] short umbilical cord and they brought my little girl up to my chest. It was so unreal. And she had so much hair! I had requested to do skin-on-skin immediately after she was born and to have a "sacred hour." The sacred hour is when the nurses and doctors give you an hour with your brand new baby before taking her measurements and taking us up to a recovery room. Almost immediately after my little girl was put on my chest, she started rooting. The nurse asked if I wanted to feed her and I was so excited! She latched on with ease and started to nurse! It was so amazing! Since then, she has been great at nursing. 

Mike and I loved that hour after Ellie was born. I felt so close to Mike, Ellie, and my Heavenly Father. It really was a sacred hour. 

Elizabeth May Holman

June 10, 2017

6:24 am 

7 pounds 14 ounces

21 inches

3 lessons I learned through seeing the world

I had no idea how big the world was. On a map it seems so small, so flat, so similar. In pictures it seems almost fake, photoshopped, and unattainable. However, when you are lost in Prague and it's midnight and no one speaks English and the bus is not going towards your hotel... It gets real. And then you drive past a lit up castle and it almost gets fake again. BUT the world is real. And it is big and beautiful and definitely attainable. There are real people living their everyday life in thousands of year old cities. Some people walk past the Colosseum on their way to work every single day. Other people have been working in the same crystal factory in the middle of the Alps for over 40 years. There are people fighting against discrimination. There are communist governments. And there are happy people in the worst of circumstances. The people are real. It's easy to only be consumed with yourself, but there are other people out there. SO MANY other people. 

Lesson 1: The world is real.

Mike and I went to Cancun on our honeymoon. And it was amazing and I loved it, but every time Mike suggested going out of the resort, I opted for staying at the resort and just hanging out there. I had never really traveled outside of the country and without parents. Pathetic, I know. But I guess I was kind of scared of the world and didn't trust myself to safely navigate around a city I didn't know, especially when English wasn't the native language! I never ever ever would have thought that I would feel comfortable using solely a map, a good old fashioned paper map, to navigate around foreign cities. Especially big non-English speaking cities. I never thought that I would be able to comfortably use public transit. I never thought I would be able to hand wash clothes in a hotel bathroom sink.  I never thought I would be adventurous in trying food. And I never thought that I would be happy to see a McDonalds. I also never thought I would ever fly around the whole globe in 34 days. I never thought that I would be able to communicate without words. And I never thought that I would see such beautiful sites. But I did. If I can do it, you can do it to.

Lesson 2: Believe in yourself.

Being a married college student isn't always easy. School is expensive, jobs are low paying, and everything is times two as expensive. We're only two people! There's only so much we can pay for! We're also dying to buy a house, wanting to buy a better functioning car, all while buying groceries, going on dates, going out with friends, buying books, the list goes on and on. Sometimes when I think about all we have to pay for with part-time during the school year jobs - it looks scary! But it's possible all while contributing to the savings account. I promise it is. Mike and I were saving for a down payment on a house... until we heard about this trip. We debated what to do for a few days and asked others about what they thought we should do. The response was unanimous - GO. So we did, we spent our life's savings (well two years saving technically) and signed up to go on a month long trip around the world. Was there times I questioned our decision? Absolutely. Was I scared spending more money on one thing than I ever have before in my life? Absolutely. I mean this isn't $200 boots from Nordstom that you can return the next day. The experience we had was priceless. Traveling around the world with my best friend is hands down the best thing that I have ever spent my money on. I honestly could not put a price tag on the experiences that we had and these lessons that I learned.

Lesson 3: Experiences > Money

DisneyLand vs. DisneyWorld

So this past year Michael and I have been extremely blessed in the opportunities that we have had to travel. And I am going to write all about it eventually. But I need to start off with the beginning of the year. For New Years, we were in DisneyWorld. And I love Disney and I love fireworks and it was completely magical. However... I had been to DisneyLand 3 times the previous year and so I could not help but to compare the two the whole time we were there.

Here's my conclusion: DisneyLand is better. I'm not even kidding. I mean you can't go wrong with Disney in general, but if I had a choice, I would honestly choose DisneyLand over DisneyWorld. Let me explain why I believe this.

#1- Cost. This is not considering the thousands of dollars that you have to spend to fly there in the first place. The ticket prices are more expensive:

Ticket page for DisneyLand

Ticket page for DisneyWorld

Then, since there are 4 parks in DisneyWorld, you have to buy a more-day ticket to see everything. More days = higher ticket prices + more expensive food.

#2- But there are more things to see at DisneyWorld right? Not necessarily. I mean there are a few things that are in DisneyWorld, that are not in DisneyLand.... But on the other hand, there are also a few things that are in DisneyLand that are not in DisneyWorld. The one ride that I am sad that DisneyLand does not have is the Rockin' Roller Coaster. That is one of my all time favorite roller coasters. BUT DisneyWorld does not have Indiana Jones, and lets be honest, that is one of the all-time best Disney rides ever.

#3- The distance. Since DisneyWorld has four parks, all of the rides are spread out pretty far from one another. It requires a lot more time to get from ride-to-ride and from park-to-park, And that is valuable time since you paid so much stickin money for a pass! It is also hard because Disney already requires so much walking. Any more time on the feet than necessary is a killer.

Three of DisneyWorld's four parks

#4- The lines. If you are from out of the country and you are forced to choose between DisneyLAND or DisneyWORLD.... what are you going to choose? Probably the WORLD. You are already spending tons of money to get to America, so why not go all out and go to the seemingly bigger, better park? That would be my thought process at least. Which I think is why there are more people and longer lines. "Well, that depends on the time of year" you might say. Well I was in DisneyLand over New Years 2013-2014 and then in DisneyWorld over New Years 2014-2015. So over the exact same time of year. And yes, also the busiest time of the year. The lines at DisneyWorld were definitely worse.

So there you have it. My breakdown on DisneyLand vs. DisneyWorld. If I was planning a trip to Disney again, I would definintely save the money and go to DisneyLand.

BUT... Disney is magical no matter what. There is no way that I would ever pass down a trip to Disney anything, lets be honest.

However.... the one thing that just might take me back to Orlando it The Wizarding World of Harry Potter... It is amazing. I love it so so much. But that is a whole different story.

the internal struggle

So, I changed my blog layout... Again. Also, this will probably not be the last time. I'm indecisive and whenever I see someone else's blog, I'm like, "That's really cute! I want mine to look like that!" And then I change it. So in the year that I have had this blog, I think I have changed it about as much as I have posted on it. And that is an internal struggle, however it is not the internal struggle that my blog title is referring to... That is below... 

This next section of the post is taken from a blog that I had to create for one of my classes last semester, so the post was written on November 20th, but I wanted to share it here also. So I present to you, the internal struggle. 

I feel like I'm a person who has an adventurous heart, and an over-analyzing mind. As you may guess, these two parts of me tend to really get in some pretty big fights. I always have the desire to do crazy things, like go sky diving for example, like I really really want to go. Until my friends ask me if I want to go with them next week. That's when my over-analyzing mind jumps in the the ring and starts to take charge. Then I'm all the sudden like, "sitting in my nice, comfortable home, doing my normal Saturday activities sounds really great." But then my heart takes a shot at my mind and is like "NO! You are breaking all my wildest hopes and dreams!" Seriously, the struggle is that real.

So the latest brawl that has been going on in my head is about whether or not my husband and I should go on a study abroad together in May. Everyone is always quick to say YES OF COURSE! and honestly, that's what I said too when my husband brought it up. But then it got more realistic, and my mind started punching back. "It could be hard," it jabbed, "it's so expensive," it kicked, "THAT'S A DOWN PAYMENT ON A HOUSE," it roundhouse kicked my heart in the face (what? Yeah I don't know either). So what do I do? Well I don't really know. But one of my biggest fears is that my mind will get the best of me and keep me from doing all the fun things in the world. I hope that just knowing that that is how I work, will help me to remember NOT to let that happen.

So that was the post from about three months ago... And I am pleased to inform you that my heart won the battle! We are going on the study abroad! And now that I have publicly announced that we are going on the study abroad (and they always tell you that once you post something on the internet it may as well be written in stone) and also invested sums that are four digits long into it... There is no turning back! We are leaving May 1st and will arrive in London, England on May 2nd. After that we will be traveling to Prague, Salzburg, Venice, Rome, Athens, South Africa (as long as ebola stays put), Thailand, and Beijing! Crazy, right? I don't know how my mind let my heart get away with this one. Well I guess I kinda know... It's cause my husband is amazing and so fun and helps me be stronger than I could ever be on my own. And I cannot wait to travel the world (literally we are flying completely around the world!) with him! So stay tuned to hear about the adventure. 

In honor of the upcoming travels, here is a picture of me in
Morocco (The DisneyWorld rendition anyway)

five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes

I'm sure that you all have heard people say that "the first year of marriage is really hard." Honestly, before I got married, I hated when people would say that. I always felt like they were saying that it was hard being with this person that they supposedly love and I didn't like that. But I now understand that that is not what they were saying at all. At least I don't think that's what they were saying. And here is why I think that people say it.

{Disclaimer: I am not in any way, shape, or form claiming that Michael and I are professionals at this marriage thing. I realize that we have only been married for a year, and still have a lot to learn.}

Being married to Mike is not hard, honestly, it is the easiest thing in the world. I love being married to Mike. He makes me better every single day and I have learned more about myself and the person that I want to be in the last 12 months than I have the 20 years before we were married. Marriage is not hard.

Learning to take care of someone else and tend for their needs before your own is hard. Not because you don't want to do that, just because changing your whole lifestyle can't happen over night. It takes time and effort! And change is hard. Our whole entire young adult life we have been taught to be selfish. We are taught to work harder to be better than all the other people out there so you can get into college, so you can get scholarships, so you can get into your program at school. Your whole entire young adult life you are taught to take care of YOU. Then all of the sudden you aren't supposed to take care of you first anymore. All of the sudden it matters if you don't do the laundry for 3 weeks, because it doesn't affect just you anymore. And if you don't feel like making dinner because you are too busy and don't care that you are eating oatmeal for the third meal of the day... just kidding... Maybe my husband isn't down to have oatmeal AGAIN. Or you all of the sudden have to think twice about buying a pair of shoes that you don't really need because maybe your husband really does need a new pair of dress shoes and the money should go towards that instead.

 The first year of marriage is change. And learning. And growing. And blessings. And opportunities. And joy beyond measure. And it has been the best thing in the world for me. I love being married to Mike. I love the woman that he has helped me become. I love having our own family. And I have loved the first year of marriage.

let go

It's been a really long time since I have blogged. But life has been a crazy whirlwind for the past 2 weeks and I am so happy to finally be able to see the calm after the storm. 

So Mike and I have officially moved to San Diego for the summer and are starting a new adventure here that I am both excited and nervous about. I am an incredibly safe person. I like holding onto what I know... correction... I like GRIPPING with all my might onto what I know and never ever letting go. I don't know why. I even get anxiety when I order something new at restaurants. It's a good and bad thing. It's good because I know what I like, but it's bad because a lot of the time I could be missing out on amazing growing experiences because I don't want to step into the unknown. I can't even begin to explain how hard it was for me to leave my family, my friends, my job, my apartment, and my the only state that I have ever called home. 

Honestly, the only reason that I was able to do it was because of the man next to me during the whole thing. Mike is the complete opposite of me in this regard. He loves change, and he loves experiencing new things. He is always up for the adventure. We balance each other out pretty well. But it is reassuring to know that whatever happens, whatever chances we take and wherever we end up that Michael will be with me. 

I am learning to roll with things, to step out of my comfort zone and experience the known. If anything comes out of this summer, I hope that it is that I have become a better, stronger person. And that is why letting go of what we know can be a good thing. It gives us the opportunity to learn and grow. So this week do something out of your comfort zone! Talk to someone new, share your testimony, try a new recipe! Whatever it is, do something that will help make you a little bit better.

Leaving on our adventure

Those of you that know me, know that I'm not a fan of fish...
but I tried it this week and LOVED it

I know you can't see it, but I also tried mac n' cheese
on my hamburger... and it was really good.

the shoes in my life

The shoes in my life, yes there are many, but there are some that have come very near and dear to my heart. I am being 100% serious right now. I'm sure my husband and my wallet wish that I wasn't.

I realized this today, when I put a pair of shoes on that I haven't worn for awhile and forgot how much I loved them. They are one of the few pair of shoes that have become a staple. The type of shoes that my closet will never go without. Please tell me that there are more out there like this. Don't you have that pair of shoes that even when they are worn out, with holes in the soles, you still can't throw them away? And then you buy the same ones to replace them because you know you couldn't go on without that type of shoe in your closet? 

I have 4 types of shoes, that I cannot go without. I have multiple pairs of each type. They are the shoes that I know will always be in my closet, no matter what season or stage of life I am in.

The first shoe that I cannot live without are the classic boat shoes. In my closet, at this very moment, I have 5 pairs of boat shoes. Two brands, Sperry and Steve Madden, they never let me down. In high school this was my main shoe. Pretty much the only ones that I would wear, even if there was 6 feet of snow on the ground. And very fittingly, this was the shoe of choice for my wedding. They never let me  down. 

Shoe number two is none other than my good ol' Hunter rain boots. I got these shoes my sophomore year in high school.... so about 5 years ago. (wow that seems like a long time ago... 2009!) And they are still as sturdy as can be. They have been there for me at many important moments in my life. I'm not even kidding. I took my senior pictures, as well as some of my bridals in those boots. Graduation and marriage and the boots have walked me through it all. I don't really think that they will ever break down, but honestly if they do, I don't think that I will ever be able to throw them away. I will definitely get another pair, but those will always have a special place in my closet and in my heart. (I obviously have a real problem here, I'm getting sappy about shoes haha)

The next type of shoe that I cannot live without is my running shoes. They are not the cutest pair of shoes at all. Actually, when I got them I thought they were horrific. But after being with me for over 500 miles of running and still going strong, they fought their way onto my list. I love my Asics. Also, they have completely stopped my knee pain (along with lots of stretching and icing) so I don't have to go for knee surgery round two, which I am so so so grateful for. Along with the running shoes goes all my tennis shoes. I love a good pair of tennis shoes. And can always find a good excuse to buy more... I mean you obviously need gym tennis shoes, hiking tennis shoes (that can get dirty), cute tennis shoes (to wear on the sporty lazy days), sport tennis shoes (you never know when someone is just going to call you up and ask you to play wallyball or something like that right?....)

And last but not least is my Steve Madden boots. Yes, they must be STEVE MADDEN. No other brand will do. They do cost more, but they will last longer and look better and I am true to the brand. I have three pairs of boots in my closet right now (not counting the rain boots) and each and everyone of them are Steve Madden. I sacrifice getting a new pair of boots every year, so that I can afford to get the ones that I want. This year I didn't get a new pair, but I'm not even mad about it because my ones from previous years have held up wonderfully! And it is totally worth saving up for them. 

I like to think that my closet will have at least one of each of these pairs of shoes for the rest of my life. But styles come and go. And I still love these shoes. And I could't keep moving through life without them. What shoes are you addicted to? I would love an excuse to buy another pair. :)

those other things

So I realize that my past two posts I have just been oh so happy and talked about all the things that I love and that are great. But, hold on, there are things that I hate too. And I am just as passionate about the things that I hate as the things that I love. 

The number one thing that I hate... Rolly backpacks. No joke. I can go off for days about how much I hate rolly backpacks. Seriously they are the worst. Okay, I get the idea behind them, take some weight off your back. Backpacks can get really heavy, I'm in college, I've been there. But they are so freaking annoying. I do not ever have a stronger desire to drop kick something to the moon than when I am walking behind a person rolling a stupid backpack behind them. I literally have to use all my will power not to kick those rolly backpacks that are right in front of me.

Especially in college. Please. Don't. Just don't. The old professors on campus are the exception here. But the most annoying thing ever is trying to get out of class and its already really crowed and there there's THAT person wheeling their backpack out that is slowing everyone up and tripping everyone and rolling over everyone's toes with their backpack that they are dragging behind them. HELLO PEOPLE, it's called a BACKpack for a reason. It's supposed to go on your BACK. 

So for the love. Ban the rolly backpack.  

that thing that you do

Seeing as how Mike and I just signed up for our 2nd half marathon, I thought I'd dedicate this post to doing those things that you love. 

Everyone is different, so I assume that this thing that you do is different for everyone. But I really, really hope that everyone has that thing. There is no better feeling than doing something that you love, doing something that makes you feel refreshed, doing something solely because that is what you want to do. 

After Mike and I ran our first half marathon, we decided that we were going to keep on running five miles at least a couple times a week to stay in shape. But life said, "haha, yeah right." We got super busy and I do not remember one time after our half marathon that we ran five miles. Every once in a while, we would squeeze in a short couple mile run, but it wasn't a regular thing, and unfortunately, we lost our endurance, fast. About a year later (now) we decided to do it again. We started our pre-training (yes, we are so out of shape that we have to train for our training. Sad, I know) about two weeks ago. After our first run, I couldn't believe how amazing I felt... Mentally.... not physically, that is another story. 

After that experience, I realized the importance in doing that thing that you love doing, just because you want to. I can't believe how much better I feel. I know that exercising is a great high, but that's not what I'm getting at. It is just doing things because you want to, doing things because all day long you do the things that you have to do. You do school, you do work, you do cooking and dishes and laundry, because those are the things you HAVE to, but among those things don't forget to do the things that you love to do. You will feel less stressed, happier, and more willing to do those things that you have to do.

So I hope you all find time every week to do those things that you love doing and have a Happy Valentines Day!

First half marathon - May 2013

the blogging world

Well, well, well, it looks like I am joining the blogging world. Mike and I are terrible at journaling, and hopefully this will help. I definitely under-estimated the amount of effort it takes into making a blog. I give major props to all the people out there that have really cute blogs, it is hard work. This blog has been in the making for about 4 months... maybe more. It has been through probably 7 template changes, 20 layout changes, 4 titles, and 3 headers. It's like the blog version of I-15, always under construction. Maybe someday it will be complete, but not anytime in the near future.

Since my blog will most likely never be perfectly polished, I might as well start using it.

This past week I have been thinking a lot about the little things in life. I am the type of person who can get really excited over one small, simple thing. For example, over Christmas break Mike and I went to California with the Criddle side of our family. On New Years Eve, we went to Disneyland California Adventure to celebrate. As we were driving over there my sister and I asked our dad if he would buy us Minnie Mouse ears (I was thinking he would make a sarcastic comment and say no) and he responded, "Of course! You can't go to Disneyland without mouse ears!" I couldn't believe it. I was so excited. I had secretly wanted those ears for years. After getting into the park, we went strait to the nearest shop. I picked out the sparkly ones (those of you who know me are probably not surprised at all) and Lauren picked out the classic, polka dot bow ones. I took them to the register, bought them, and cut the tag off. I put them on and turned away so no one could see my eyes building up with tears. Yes, that actually happened. A 21-year old cried because she was so happy to get Minnie Mouse ears. My tears did not go unnoticed, Mike saw and couldn't believe how happy those stupid, sparkly, Minnie Mouse ears made me. But, guys, it's the little things. Let the little things make you happy! Find the little things that make you happy! Just as the quote in the header says,

"It's not how much we have,

but how much we enjoy, that 

makes happiness."

                     

The Minnie Mouse Ears

blogs are hard...

I do not know how to make my blog look cute.